Xavier and the Potty
Greetings to everyone.
The last four days have been grueling. We have three potty stations set up: one in each upstairs bathroom and Xavier's portable potty chair (which goes wherever we need it: downstairs, outside, on trips, etc). Xavier runs around commando. Parents (being house-bound these past four days) must watch Xavier for his tells and then coach him to use the potty. There is no email checking, no phone calls, no cooking, no reading of potty training materials. The moment you take your eyes off him, there's an accident.
I agree with the author whose techniques we've been adapting to Xavier. Accidents in the first week of training are the parents' fault, not the child's. Without exception, every accident occurred when the parent watching Xavier wasn't watching him. Oh, we may have been in the same room, but we weren't watching. We were distracted. It only takes a second or two and you've missed the signal.
Fortunately, we have had only a few accidents. The scariest thing has been the pooping. It filled me, for one, with anxiety at coaching/teaching this skill. Peeing is not that big a deal. Xavier needs to go frequently; he is drinking water all the time. Lots of practice opportunities here. Not so much with poop, and there is a whole new and different set of sensations from the bowels.
Add to that (as if to rub salt in the anxiety wound), the moment you go naked or commando, the three to four times a day of pooping drops down to one time a day—if you're lucky! Xavier's signals for pooping are harder to learn because he doesn't need to show them as often.
Friday, while Daddy was distracted with the business of preparing lunch, Xavier was running around. It was after lunch Daddy noticed a Xavier dropping on the dining room floor. It fell right out of his pant leg sometime while he was running around (he was wearing shorts with really loose legs).
OK, parental fail, and a missed opportunity to train with solids, but still a silver lining. I brought Xavier over and we examined the poop on the floor. "Did you poop on the floor?" I asked. "Yes," Xavier replied only a little shyly. "That's gross!"
Right then and there I developed the mantra: "We poop in the potty, not in our pants." Xavier picked up the chant immediately. "Where do we poop?" I will ask. "In the potty!" Xavier replies. "Do we poop in our pants?" I will ask. "No!" Xavier replies.
Some time after dinner, Xavier started behaving oddly, his hand not so much pulling up his pants all the time, but holding a butt cheek. We sat him on a potty station. Nothing. So, back to play and careful parental attention.
Not long after, Xavier said, "My butt tickles."
Drop everything! It was the stereotypical race the the main bathroom: out of the play room, through the dining room, down the hall and into the bathroom. Was the station set up? No! Apparently, potty-trained adults live in this house also. Rushing, the little seat was dropped down and the stepping stool moved into position. Xavier dropped his pants and Daddy hoisted him onto the seat.
Xavier cried, growing more distraught by the second. He wanted down. It was the cold air pumping out of the ventilation duct right on his near nakedness. The AC kicked on just as we ran into the bathroom. Covering the vent with a towel did nothing to calm him.
OK, run to the portable potty across the hall. More screams of not liking it. The good news, though, he did not yet have an accident.
We ran to the final station, the cushioned seat in the master bathroom. At last, Xavier calmed, but still he wanted down. He was no where near relaxed enough to do the job. The book we're modeling our training on explained, using many pages to underscore the point, that emotion would control success or failure with the sphincter.
I pulled two spent toilet paper rolls from the trash. I gave one to Xavier and I kept one. I started doing silly things with my roll while making funny faces. Xavier laughed and started copying me. After a few minutes, he settled down. He sat still for a moment. I took that moment to pray "Jesus, help him understand."
Success! Not much, just three little floaters. There was a party in the bathroom, with dancing, shouting and looking at the results. Xavier was ecstatic. Mom came in to see before he flushed his business into the main line.
Over the course of the next thirty minutes, Xavier told us on four more occasions that his butt tickled. Four more successes, the third one a massive success (if you get my meaning).
Sunday morning had a pee accident. Also, Xavier suddenly got shy about pooping. No longer did he run up and confidently say "My butt tickles" as he had Friday night and Saturday. He sneaked into a corner and quietly filled his pants. We got to him quickly. Once again, we intoned the mantra "Poop in the potty not in my pants." The rest of the day, no accidents.
Sunday night, Xavier self-initiated his first pee. He came and found Dad and wanted me to come with him (that's what we had been doing not long before). I thought he wanted me to chase him. He said "no" when I asked him. He disappeared into his room (where we often keep the portable potty). I walked in. He dropped his pants and sat down. Awesome! Another Pentecostal jig was danced because he did this completely uncoached. I danced that jig too soon.
Less than thirty seconds later, Dad still in the clouds, Xavier dropped his pants again and sat on the potty. This time it was not pee. Yep, Dad shot into the heavens and Mom joined in. Not only was the poop self-initiated, it was the first time Xavier used a different potty location.
We felt confident enough to let Xavier stay with the woman who watches him occasionally for us. Rebecca called her to make sure she was OK with it and to relate Xavier's progress. She is also potty training her youngest daughter. She was glad to take him for the day.
Monday with the sitter was a success, only one poop accident. Xavier also self-initiated a second poop. Monday night at home, Xavier did well. He has started copping an attitude if you try to set him on the potty and he does not have to go. This, too, is great progress.
He is preferring his portable potty over the two toilet stations. The reason is he can control it all. He does not need help getting on and off the seats of the adult toilets. Oh, did I mention the point that he is in control? Try to help him and he acts like a three-year old saying, "Stop it! I do it." This, too, is fantastic progress!
We've also been doing the night-time training. We check on him at intervals during the night, putting him on the potty at those times. With one exception, Xavier does nothing; he just wants to go back to sleep. But in these last nights, his "sleep pants" (that's what we call the pull up he wears at night; we don't want him to think he is wearing a diaper) have been bone dry every morning (and after his naps) and no poop in the pull up either. Progress!