Ditching the Diapers
Greetings to all.
Yesterday was the day. Rebecca put it in our calendars, even moved it once. Still, we had some trepidation and thought to move it off again. After some discussion, we determined we did not have the time to move it off.
The previous three attempts at potty training ended, in a mild word, unsatisfactorily. The Mississippi (a word, by the way, Xavier speaks quite clearly and without slurring it) attempt ended after a day and a half. Once the newness of peeing in the toilet wore off, Xavier simply wasn't interested. Even his teachers at the CDC said he had no interest.
We tried again the first week in July. That lasted about a day. Xavier demonstrated growing resistance and frustration. We ended it, thinking he was not ready (a myth, we later learned). We also did not want to create another problem like we did with his eating by pressuring him (we are still recovering from that!)
We tried again a few weeks later. Again, no joy.
Rebecca and I had not been idle during the down times. We researched on the web (big mistake, by the way). We interviewed friends who had just successfully gone through the process (even tried some of their techniques). We asked complete strangers we met in malls and in parks and playgrounds for advice.
Nothing worked for us. Then, some friends of ours mentioned a book. They handed us their copy and said, "We love that book!"
Flipping through the table of contents, it appeared to cover everything. With nothing to lose but $7.99 plus shipping, we fired up the browser and shopped Amazon.com.
The book, written by a woman known as the Pied Piper of Poop, arrived the day before we had scheduled round four to start. It's arrival so close to the time was one reason we thought to push of the training again. Instead, we power-read the necessary sections (about half the book) the night before.
It was uncanny. The book listed everything we had tried and everything we had heard. It said that, except in rare instances, none of that will work, but only prolong the training. Also, she blew several myths we held to (most are quite common even from pediatricians) out of the water. Her well-explained reasons and experience gave her credibility. Was the Pied Piper going to be another road to failure? We were going to find out.
The first thing we did (and it was hard, especially for Daddy, who loves a plan B and back-out strategy) was ditch the diapers. They're gone. We burned our ships; there would be no going back. Let me tell you right there: that sets a tone for success, both in the us parents and with Xavier. "You are going to learn how to use the potty today," we explained. "No more diapers for you. You're a big boy now."
Xavier fought Rebecca on the Phase I portion of (surprisingly) being naked the first day or two. The only way to calm his hysteria was to pull a little from Phase II and let him go Commando. Once he got to wear pants, Xavier seemed fine with things.
We had two bathrooms set up and ready. We had a small potty we carried from room to room. We spent the entire day with Xavier. We followed him everywhere, generally using a parental tag-team approach. We watched for his tells so we could learn them.
Peeing was easy. Xavier has had this down since Biloxi, and he's comfortable peeing in either the toilet or his portable potty. The whole point of Phase I is to learn his tells and get him to go from clueless to I peed, to I'm peeing, to I need to pee. (pee and poop, not just pee).
Rebecca figured out his tell for peeing quickly enough. We had no accidents. However, Xavier did manage to poop right in front of us. He gave no indication he was pooping. That was a mess! The lack of (a recognizable) tell for pooping was a major setback to us emotionally (have you ever spent every waking minute of every hour following around a three-year old waiting for tells? It's fatiguing; many times you are so bored, you think your head might pop off).
We decided to also do the night-time trained the Pied Piper recommended. No poop, but still good success with peeing. We learned Xavier can (and does) hold his pee long into the night while sleeping, a very good thing!
Today will be more of the same. The connecting of the dots from sensation to seeking a potty have not yet formed in Xavier's thinking. Hopefully, today will also see some success along the poop line. To us, that is the scariest one. I must agree with our guidebook's author: we are changing Xavier's life-long habit of pooping in a diaper. It's all he has ever known.