The Goodness of God
Greetings to everyone.
Today is Xavier's 61st day of life out of the womb. As mentioned earlier, we first saw Xavier via ultrasound at 61 days and Rebecca was checked into the hospital the last time 61 days after her first check in on March 12th.
There is a hymn called "When Upon Life’s Billows You Are Tempest Tossed". The words are:
When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.
Count your blessings, name them one by one;
Count your blessings, see what God hath done;
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.
Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,
And you will be singing as the days go by.
When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold.
Count your many blessings, money cannot buy
Your reward in heaven, nor your Lord on high.
So amid the conflict, whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.
I have wanted for a while to review how good the Hand of God has been to us as we have walked through this life event. There is no way I can list His blessings to us one by one, but here are a few.
Thinking where to start, I had many points to choose from. I decided to start with the young woman we met in Cambodia who was so greatly concerned for Rebecca and I at being so old and having no children. She told us "Remember Abraham and Sarah were old too. I'll pray for you!"
While in Rome last year, out of the blue a strong sense of peace, comfort and "rightness" swept over me and I thought "I would OK with having a child." A week later we learned Rebecca was several weeks pregnant.
In February it was determined during an ultrasound exam that Xavier was growth restricted and the perinatal doctor of 20 years, well-spoken and a leader in the field, was highly skeptical of Xavier's chances for survival. She asked "Is termination an option for you?" Of course it's not an option for us! Xavier defied the common wisdom of man and survived.
March 12th was a standard ultrasound exam. Only at the end as we neared leaving did randomly we mention Rebecca's high blood pressure. This statement turned to a blessing in a (very) deep disguise which led to giving Xavier another eleven weeks inside the womb.
When admitted to the hospital, it was expected that Xavier would be delivered that night and put in hospice. A night turned into a week, and a week into five. We had a perinatal specialist on our case who had only been at the hospital ten weeks before we checked in, his expertise was in exactly what we needed. He had worked with mothers having Rebecca's symptoms for years and had far more experience than the doctors here in Colorado. He helped silence the voices of fear from other doctors, who had not seen anyone like Rebecca before.
We transferred to a world-class hospital which housed some of the best baby doctors in the country. We were surrounded by experts who, confused by what they could not explain, continued to give our case great attention. One doctor proudly told us "Your baby continues to prove me wrong!"
Talk and signs of genetic abnormalities, some quite grizzly, abounded during the first five weeks of hospital stay. Not one of them turned out true.
"Your baby is sick," we were told during and early NST exam, and a pall fell over us. Then, in the silence of the settling depression, the monitor blipped and the same doctor with the dire news smiled. With an almost giggle, she explained the blip was a hiccup and showed Xavier's nervous system was developing well. After, she reviewed Xavier's NST histories, then told us he was not so sick after all.
Though Xavier had low levels of amniotic fluid throughout the pregnancy, he always had enough and always in the places he needed it when he needed it. This was especially true during the key time of his lung formation.
We heard weekly that Rebecca would go pre-exclampsic. She did, but eleven weeks beyond what was expected. As the high-risk doctor told us the day after Xavier was delivered: "You carried the baby up to the last possible minute" and "we did all the right things." This going to the last possible minute allowed Xavier to develop all he needed to strongly survive outside the womb.
A few days before Xavier was delivered, Rebecca was checked back into the hospital. This was, at the time, a major kick to our morale. We were expecting and wanting mid June, not the beginning of May. As it turns out, had we not been in the hospital, Rebecca and Xavier may well have died. None of the pre-eclampsic symptoms we were taught to look for ever occurred. We never would have recognized the danger Rebecca was in.
When Xavier was delivered, he squirmed and he screamed loudly. His scream was not one of discomfort, but one of being disturbed, as if he were telling us "What are you people doing? I'm fine." The doctors were very concerned about his lungs, but he let them know immediately they were working well! He was perfectly formed. He was brought forth after all his critical development had happened within the womb. Even his intestinal tract, which the doctors had concerns did not form well and may turn necrotic, worked well. His liver needed to mature more, but even it continued to develop.
He took to his mother's breast and to the bottle so well, the nurses and therapists could hardly believe it and they praised his quick-learned skill.
Throughout all of this, and especially in the face of the medical professionals who hammered us constantly with negative after negative, both Rebecca and I held on to the constant, deep-seated peace, the assurance from Father His hand was mightier than the forces of fear.
So many people stood with us in support, both in physical and emotional support, and in the most important support: prayer! We were blessed with people offering aid and prayer from all over the country and from all over the cities of Denver and Fort Collins.
So, how is Xavier today? He broke the 1600 gram milestone and is at 1615 grams (3 pounds and 8.9 oz), nearly two pounds more than his delivery weight.
Having crossed the 1600 gram milestone, his pod dome is once more raised to let him fully regulate his temperature.
He eats from the breast and bottle like a champion. He is down to 0.01 liters/min oxygen through a low-flow system and is hi-satting more often than he desats, the majority of the time his oxygen level is 94 and above. This morning he managed to pull his cannula out and no one noticed for some time. He was breathing room air without desatting or bradying.
His direct bilirubin level is 2.4, still high, is much improved (Father has not led us this far to abandon us now. It will get to normal values!). Dr. Liz went "dumpster diving" today to get his diaper. She has not seen one of his stools this rotation. She was pleased as punch with the color and could not stop talking about it and what it means. She spoke of how proud she was of Xavier and impressed.
Great is the power of our God! Great are His mercies! Great is His love toward us! Great and mighty is He to those who seek Him and trust in Him!
To those who have prayed for us during this time, the miracles and goodness I but touched upon above, you had a part in praying them into this world. You helped carry Rebecca and me when we were too exhausted to carry ourselves. Always, and with heart-felt gratefulness, we thank you for your prayers and support.
